Choosing Ourselves

Through its stark and moving recitation of the facts this book serves as a vivid example of how patients and their families may encounter a lifetime of frustration and dashed expectations despite their efforts to achieve some kind of normalcy amidst the challenges of a life-changing condition.

Dr. Walker’s wish that doctors were interested in knowing her son as a person rather than a case, points to a more truly holistic and inclusive approach to caring for these children. Choosing Ourselves is an important contribution to the literature of helping families find their own, unique voices as they advocate for their children.

This intimate account of a mother, a son, and the birth defect that defined their lives is about guilt, fear, bravery, and love, about questions asked, and questions unanswerable. It is about wounds and healing–not so much the palate or the lip, but the heart.

Choosing Ourselves is a must-read true story of the challenges, commitments, and unwavering love of parenthood. A compelling story of a parent and adult child exploring their past together – each person speaking their truth to better understand the other’s experience – led to deeper understanding and love.

Everything changes when (Barbara’s) son asks for the first time at age 44 how it felt to be his mother. The result is a stunning co-authored memoir written by mother and son – a unique telling of one disability from two perspectives and ultimately a universal story punctuated with eyes-wide open memories and a self-help feel for all parents who have ever experienced raising a child with a difference.

An extremely rare and valuable contribution to the literature on the experience of disability and family life. The dialogue is deeply humanizing and will be a source of encouragement and also serve as a mirror for many parents and adults with disabilities.

This story of a mother’s and son’s angst that she had done something to cause her son’s cleft palate condition reveals an issue that has never come to the attention of society or to the field of Special Education – the impact on families of a bilateral cleft palate. I am mesmerized by Barbara and Jim’s depth of honesty and emotion, as well as their ultimate resilience to not just survive but prevail.

With amazing courage, Barbara and Jim share the unvarnished reality from Jim’s birth to life today. Their voices are distinct, poetic, funny, raw, and unwaveringly honest. What started as a mother-son project is a profound read that will enlighten, inspire, and delight anyone who reads it.

Choosing Ourselves uncovers cracks’ in the healthcare system when serving a child/person with a disability. Yet, it also credits the caregivers who know their limits and, nevertheless, pursue the best care they can – honestly and openly. This courageous book is like a wakeup call for professionals. It will hit you right between your eyes and you will be better for it!

Choosing Ourselves is a compelling account of a determined mother’s fight not only to guide her son through the multi-tiered trials and traumas of the care required to address repair of his cleft palate but to educate medical professionals about the healing properties of holistic care and patient compassion. Barbara’s beautiful honest prose and Jim’s poetic accounts of his own memories of the same time, as well as his changing feelings over time, dovetail perfectly. This is a book for all combinations of parents and children.

Barbara and her son build a tapestry of inspiration, will, defiance and tenacity that will inspire generations of families who are faced with the challenges of dealing with birth anomalies.